top of page

Sharkmoist the 3rd 
My Moistonian Empire

Sharkmoist 3rd: Video

I am a results driven megalomaniac.

Aren't we all?

The Empire is built on the three key principles:

Deviant musicians belong in the Zoo!

Pickled Eggs keep people happy

Big Lasers help with diplomacy

Keep it Moist People! (Thats an order)


Whilst it is true I started off my slippery ladder to the top in a chip shop that doesn't make me a bad person. In fact I am glad of it and believe without my experience of dealing with tricky customers I wouldn't be where I am today; blowing up planets (often with chip-shops on) willy nilly, so to speak.

I do have weekly sessions with Doctor Dontknow to help me to try and manage my anger, but the thing is, blowing up planets is just tremendous fun. 

I am the best singer and songwriter in the Knowniverse and that's a fact. This has been verified by Carl and loads of other terrified people. Only terrified because they fret over when my next album will hit the shops. I try to reasure the people that I am perpetually moist and that my music will always ring like joyous razorblades in their ears.

Sharkmoist 3rd: About
Sharkmoist 3rd: Video

The Zoo for Musical Reform

Anybody or thingibot that doesn't sing songs that celebrate the Great Moisture of Sharky - well this is where they end up. The Maxibangup Securio, where Deviant musicians are forced to dress up as animals to entertain the bored and insane Moist Inner Circle. 

Hourly chanting of the Morning Prayer which affirms Sharky's greatness and mass ingestion of the holy pickled egg should rectify any soul. There is a way out for the weak willed > musicians can join straight machine bands. These masquerade as edgy sonic units but are manufactured to subtly spread the word of moisture. 

Otherwise its the hard yards of madness  in the Zoo. Once the Deviant Music Squad (DMS) are on your tail, they are hard to shake off. They often make there arrests at high profile underground gigs in the Outer Rim to deter future lawbreakers.

Sharkmoist 3rd: Image

Pickled Eggs

Scandalous unfound-fermenting rumours have it that these here Pickled Eggs (Space Cabbages) are a sneakytitous tool of mind controlment. Further, that within these innocent niceties are lovely drugs that conbuggle the ear drums into believing Sharkmoist humdrum meandermums of sonic shriekery are in fact wonderful overtures for the soul. Transcending the listener to a higher state of condrootmellment, in which they become one with great Moistness. 

This heresay is heresy of the highest order and definitely involves a stretch in the Zoo. Whereupon several eggs of joy will be ingested a day to help to enlighten the load of the confused deviant mind.

They taste good, they are good.

They improve your pleasure beyond reasonable measure

Sharkmoist 3rd: Text

Big Ole Laser

Sharkmoist has invested quadrillions of dough into the biggest don't you know - laser - in the knowniverse.

Its a very BIG Zappa and it is excellent at blowing up planets.

It is a Top Packet Laser (TPL) {Topple} which allows the top packet of Quanta to move a tiny bit faster than light. These have been outlawed (by Sharkmoist) under the rule of impossibility.

The Topple has only ever missed once, but then Squinchnaa is hard to hit. The Laser operator on that day was dismissed, to his home planet, which was later Toppled.

Sharkmoist 3rd: Image
Sharkmoist 3rd: Music Player

Reviews & Feedback

A Word from My Clients

Smiling Young Man

I can honestly say - ouch! - that Sharkmoist the 3rd is the best man for the job. t doesn't Really matter what the job is, he can do it. His laser is massive and it isn't set to stun.

Quing Rowza

Senior Man

His knowledge of Pickled Egg farming and his tactical acumen for Spacefooty get my vote.

Anyone that disliked his hairstyle is a Plumbline short of a leadlined Laser. And that's a factoid.

Skad Looker-Fuip

Male Portrait

Sharkmoist is wise beyond question. His music is simply ridiculously sublime. Every time I hear Moist FM I cheer so loudly my face falls off.

He knows where all of my family live and I love him deeply.

Trevar Carpet

Sharkmoist 3rd: Testimonials
bottom of page